6 Tips for Developing Emotional Intelligence in Kids
Updated: Nov 1, 2020
In our last blog post, we defined the terms “Emotional Intelligence” and talked a bit about what that looks like in young children. In today’s post let’s go a bit deeper and talk about some things that you can do, as a parent, teacher, or guardian, to help develop those emotional intelligence skills in your student or child.
1. Develop their Emotional Vocabulary
Helping your child label their feelings and emotions is an excellent way to develop self-awareness. Emotional vocabulary includes words that label both positive and negative emotions.
When you help children apply a label to a feeling or emotion, they acknowledge the emotions without becoming caught up or overwhelmed by it.
Adding to your child‘s emotional vocabulary doesn’t have to be an entire structured lesson. In fact, any moment that they are experiencing some form of emotion can be used as an opportunity to introduce a new term to their emotional vocabulary.
For instance, ask your child how the adjustment of virtual learning due to the COVID-19 pandemic makes them feel. You can ask, “Are you excited to participate in your online classes?” or if they seem sad, you might ask “Are you disappointed that you can’t play with your friends?” The words “excited” and “disappointed” are great emotional terms for them to use when labelling their emotions and feelings. In time, they’ll even be able to use those terms to label emotions expressed by others.
2. Model Appropriate Emotional Expressions
As an adult in any child's life, it’s important that you emulate appropriate emotional intelligence behaviours for children to observe. Children learn best through observation. Often times, children learn what emotional behaviours are appropriate in a particular situation when the adults in their environment model these skills.
Forget about the silly saying “Do as I say, not as I do.”
Where emotional intelligence is concerned, the best teaching strategy is through your actions.
Use words from your own emotional vocabulary on a daily basis during conversations with your child.
3. Foster Self Management
Self-management includes emotional and behavioural self-control as well as stress management. Once these skills are developed children are better able to cope with stressful situations. As your child learns healthy coping skills, you can safely say goodbye to the days of the temper tantrums.
So how can you help the little ones develop healthy coping mechanisms?
Breath Focus. A very simple, but efficient technique, I learned during my time practising meditation. It helps to produce a sense of calm and refocuses your attention. Encourage children to take a few deep breaths using my “triple-twos technique.” Inhale for 2 counts, hold for 2, and exhale for 2.
Journaling. Getting the kids to write is always a great idea. Have them personalize their journals so they’re more likely to engage in the task. Each time a situation or event triggers a negative emotion; such as anger or frustration, have them record it in their journals. This can be as simple as sticking a sad face next to the statement “my puppy died.” Develop a strategy to help them properly deal with the situation effectively, then try putting them into practice.
4. Improve Social Skills
No two children are exactly the same; some are extroverted, others introverted, and then there are the ambiverts. As such, different approaches should be taken when teaching social skills. Always be mindful of your child's limits when manoeuvring social interactions.
Asking questions. Open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no, go a long way in improving social relationships. Suggest ways your child can ask appropriate questions without being offensive or insensitive.
Active listening. Remember the classic game of Simon Says? It's actually very effective in improving active listening skills. While playing the game, children are required to listen attentively and pay close attention to the details of Simon's instructions.
When a child listens actively, they are fully engaged in what is being said by another person.
Listening for the purpose of remembering what someone else is saying, in order to give a valuable response is vital to healthy social interactions and relationships. Pay attention to non-verbal forms of communication; such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, and body language, while practising asking questions and active listening.
5. Show Empathy to Grow Empathy
As with any emotional intelligence skill, developing empathy in your child starts with you. Once you have an understanding that your child's feelings and emotions are valid, it should be easy to empathize with them. It's best to avoid being dismissive, refrain from trying to make an abrupt change in conversation.
Instead, be a role model; practice active listening and show interest by asking specific questions. Remember to be neutral and nonjudgemental, so your child feels safe and comfortable enough to confide in you going forward. If your child understands that you can empathize with them, they can then empathize with others, thus growing empathy. Children will then be more likely to form positive connections with other people they interact with.
6. Develop Problem-Solving Skills
Just like adults, children also have their share of problems to deal with and work through. Whether it's a math equation, sibling rivalry, or puberty, all children face difficulties daily.
Our responsibility as adults is to provide children with the necessary tools to solve those problems independently.
After a problem is identified, it can then be broken down into smaller chunks, which makes it easier to solve. Next, you can brainstorm some possible solutions to the problem with your child. During the brainstorming process, you should act as a guide, practising active listening while your child does most of the talking. After some possible solutions are found, guide your child to make the most practical decision and put it into action.
Remember, it's a process and learning is not linear.
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