Educating Kids about Violence Against Women & Girls

Gender-based violence against women and girls is increasingly becoming one of the most prevalent and pervasive violations of human rights in Trinidad and Tobago. Gender-based violence refers to harmful acts directed at an individual based solely on their gender. It is rooted in gender inequality and power dynamics. Statistics show that 1 in 3 women will experience some form of gender-based violence in their lifetime.

This is an extremely alarming statistic, especially in today's technological age when it is much easier for children to become exposed to different forms of violence, sexism and misogyny online. Therefore, it's important that we as adults, expose young boys and girls to positive gender dynamics.

You are not allowed to raise boys who reject all things feminine, then get upset when they become men who hate women.- Darnell Lamont Walker

In today's blog post, I've included some suggestions for parents, guardians, and educators to educate young boys and girls about gender equality, practising non-violence and developing their awareness of the current issue of violence against women and girls.

Educate Yourself

Before imparting any form of knowledge to young children you first need to possess that knowledge and awareness yourself. I encourage you to do your research about the issues of violence against women and girls that are currently plaguing our nation.

There are several organizations, including Womantra, IGDS, and Caribbean Feminist, which provide online resources with information about the issues women and girls face in Trinidad and Tobago. Once you’ve familiarized yourself with the issues, you’ll be better equipped to have conversations with your child and hopefully prevent potentially violent and deviant behaviours from occurring.

Evaluate your Beliefs

Gender-based violence against women and girls usually stems from sexist and misogynistic beliefs that contribute to harmful societal norms. Those that continue to perpetuate rigid gender roles, male dominance and gender inequality. Do you think that women and girls are inferior to men and boys? Do you think that women and girls do not deserve the same opportunities as their counterparts? Do you think that women and girls should dress in a particular way to be considered “lady-like” and to be treated with respect by boys and men?

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions it’s time to replace your beliefs with positive ones. Often times we don’t realize that we share some of these beliefs and as the adults in a child’s immediate environment, these beliefs can be unconsciously passed on from adult to child. Be cognizant of your language usage and avoid making statements like “stop acting like a little girl” or “boys shouldn't cry” Not only does it encourage potentially deviant behaviours in boys but it also sends the wrong message about girls.

Teach Children about Consent

I’m sure no parent or guardian wants their child to become a victim or perpetrator of sexual assault and violence. In order to avoid such an occurrence, an extremely crucial and possibly uncomfortable conversation needs to be had.

Essentially, consent is all about boundaries; setting them, enforcing them and all parties involved asking for permission to cross boundaries set by another.

Don't worry the topic of sex doesn’t need to come up when having conversations about consent with your child. I suggest making analogies of more appropriate instances when your child was required to establish boundaries. For instance, if a child doesn’t want to be hugged or tickled you can start by asking for permission or respecting their boundaries if they say no. As an adult, you should respect your child’s boundaries, thus, modelling consent.

Remember ,'No.' is a complete sentence.

Teach Children about Respect

Prevention of gender-based violence against women and girls starts with teaching children about respect. Respect for themselves and others.

• Evaluate the culture in your own home surrounding respectful behaviours.

• Confront signs of disrespect in the early stages.

• Clearly outline consequences for disrespectful behaviour.

• Teach basic manners like “please” and “thank you.”

• Be respectful when correcting unwanted behaviours.

• Follow through with appropriate consequences.

Remember we cannot teach respect by being disrespectful to our children.

Teach Children about Gender Equality

Simply put, gender equality means that persons, regardless of their identity on the gender spectrum, deserve equal rights, resources and opportunities. Once children develop a general understanding of gender equality they’re more likely to be respectful and nonviolent to persons of different gender orientation. Often times gender inequalities are manifested as rigid gender roles and stereotypes. Deciding that girls should be domesticated and only allowed to learn skills like cooking or cleaning, while boys are made to throw out the garbage or change a light bulb. A suggestion is to consider purchasing gender-neutral toys or clothing for your children. Children of any gender should be allowed to play with dolls to develop their nurturing sides because nurturing doesn't have to be only associated with femininity.

Teach Children that Violence is Never the Answer

Violence in any form is never okay. Children should be taught how to recognize violent and aggressive behaviours such as bullying, groping, and fighting. Once they can identify those behaviours they can then understand that it shouldn’t be tolerated, instead, they should be vocal and explicitly say 'Stop, I don’t like the way I’m being treated,' or they should reach out to someone for help.

Don't excuse violent behaviour by saying things like 'Boys will be boys,' as those boys will grow into men who consider violence against women and girls to be justifiable. Instead, encourage children to use their words and problem-solving skills as a form of conflict resolution. You can check out a previous blog post that includes some tips for developing problem-solving skills.

One in three women may suffer from abuse and violence in her lifetime. This is an appalling human rights violation, yet it remains one of the invisible and under-recognized pandemics of our time.- Nicole Kidman