What is Emotional Intelligence in Kids?
When you hear the term ‘intelligence’, emotions may be the last thing that comes to mind, if ever at all. You’re probably thinking about the traditional notion of intelligence solely based on a person’s I.Q.
So what then, is Emotional Intelligence?
EI is the ability to perceive, use, understand and manage emotions effectively.
Emotional Intelligence is especially crucial in helping children to use their emotions as a guide for appropriate thinking and behaviours.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman suggests five (5) basic components of Emotional Intelligence in his 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than I.Q. Let me summarize them for you and take a look at how they relate to emotional intelligence in children.
Self Awareness
Self awareness in kids is reflected in their emotional awareness of their own feelings and the emotions of others. So how do you determine whether a student or child is in fact self aware? Ask yourself these following questions; are they able to monitor their own emotions, or recognize and identify what a particular feeling is? Are they able to verbalize and label those feelings appropriately? Emotional intelligence helps develop a child’s language and vocabulary to convey their feelings and emotions, as well as their awareness of the impact of those emotions on others.
Self Management
I’m sure at some point you might have noticed a child or a student of yours actively taking a moment to process a thought before giving an emotional response to a situation or question. Perhaps by taking a deep breath instead of reacting angrily? Chances are they were practicing regulating and managing their emotions; learning when certain behaviours are appropriate or inappropriate to express.
Social Skills
Keeping in mind that all children develop at their own rate, there are some social and emotional milestones that children at the primary school level can be expected to meet.
These include, but aren’t limited to:
Enjoying playing with other kids
Becoming more conversational and independent
Understanding embarrassment
Awareness of others’ perceptions
Complaining about friendships and other kids’ reactions
Even the quietest child will express their emotions in noticeable ways. Extroverted children will likely be more verbal with their expressions, while introverted children may use other outlets such as drawing or writing to express how they feel. Managing social relationships and interactions with peers, adults and people of authority is a clear sign of emotional intelligence in children.
Empathy
Similar to adults, children often times express empathy by showing concern for others and considering people’s feelings, especially when making decisions. This can also include feeling sympathy towards animals. It can be as simple as offering their sad friend a hug or sharing their snacks with a friend who is hungry and doesn’t have any of their own. Children are able to express empathy when they are no longer in the egocentric stage of development. According to Piaget, the egocentric child assumes that other people see, hear, and feel exactly the same as the child does.
Egocentrism refers to the child’s inability to see a situation from another person's point of view.
Motivation
Motivation is essentially the drive to do things. What creates that drive in children? Often, it’s that little gold star for spelling all their words correctly in the weekly test, or having others admire their completed Social Studies project. These incentives are external rewards that help develop extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation, however, isn’t stemmed from external rewards like gold stars or positive feedback. It involves accomplishing their goals in spite of any negative emotions or feelings... despite the lack of external rewards. However, children at the primary school level tend to be more externally motivated, than internally.
In a nutshell,
It’s important to note, that children learn emotional intelligence skills at different rates, due to many different factors, such as their age and external environments. Helping children develop their emotional intelligence can be extremely beneficial in helping them navigate their childhood and eventually their adult lives effectively.
Emotions are energy in motion; within ourselves, within others.
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